Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
