I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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