no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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