we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
