Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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