Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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