I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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