I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
