Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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