Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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