Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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