i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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