Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
