So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
