Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
