He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
