I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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