I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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