He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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