I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
