A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
