We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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