Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
