Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we're making bets on your personal life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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