You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
