You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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