You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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