you told grandpa to call you daddy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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