Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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