I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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