what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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