Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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