How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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