She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
