Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
