I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
