I can text with my tongue
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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