I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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