god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
