I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
