Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
