I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
