I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
