those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His nipple licking is glorious
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