i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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