I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
