sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
