please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
