a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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