based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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