i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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