Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
