I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
