She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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